The Scoreboard Nobody Made but Every Man Checks
Why Successful Men Still Feel Like They're Losing the Race
TL;DR: Most successful men feel like they're losing a race nobody entered them in. The scoreboard is real, but you're the one who built it, and the feeling of being behind comes from comparing yourself to a man who doesn't exist. Here's how to stop playing not to lose and start enjoying your life.
I’m sure you’ve seen click-bait titles like, “Here’s how much money you should have saved by your age. Where do you rank?” or “I’m 50 and have $1MM saved. When can I retire?” or “I retired at 23. Here’s what you can learn from my mistakes.”
If you’re like most guys, most of them you ignore…but there’s always one that catches some part of you on a bad day and it gets inside your head. You start comparing yourself to these possibly (probably) fictitious tales; measuring yourself against some imaginary scoreboard, and you probably found yourself trailing.
Where Did the Scorecard Come From?
Not from where you might think.
Those click-bait titles and the fictitious stories above? They were just data points.
You created the scoreboard as soon as you started comparing yourself to others.
The scoreboard, like the stories, is fiction - a figment of your own imagination.
The question is: Why are you not leading when you check the score?
What Does "Being Behind" Actually Mean to You?
Most men are culturally primed to be achievers. We’ve been told to win, failure is not an option, and that coffee is only for closers.
That dog-eat-dog, someone’s going to get my piece of the pie, zero-sum game bullshit is a lie, and most men have fallen for it because it’s all we’ve ever known.
Being behind means someone else is winning. Being behind means you have to catch up. Being behind means you could slide even further.
What does that do for your mindset, your desire, your purpose, and the energy you put into life? What’s it do for your self-confidence and esteem?
The comparison isn't the problem. The scorecard is.
What game is playing in your mind when you look at that scoreboard?
What’s the score? Who’s your opponent?
What are the rules? How much time is left?
Without that information, you’re left wondering, unsure of what to do, and scared to try anything because it might be the wrong thing.
Here’s the good news: If the scoreboard is in your head, you created the game.
Who Are You Actually Comparing Yourself To?
“Your only competition is yourself.” Yeah, it’s a cliché, but clichés have a nugget of truth in them.
Society and culture create a mythical ideal. You’re indoctrinated to believe that ideal.
You’re not comparing yourself to influencers, athletes, or celebrities.
You’re comparing yourself to yourself: the man who you think you ought to be to the man you see yourself as being right now.
Both are in there.
One wants to get on the field and really play, while the other is too worried about the score, and what people might think of him if they knew the score.
How Do Men Win That Race?
By stopping trying to win.
There are three levels of play: Play to Win, Play Not to Lose, and Play to Play.
Play to Win is simple – just obliterate the competition. Think the New England Patriots during the Brady/Belichick dynasty. All energy goes into gaining as many points as possible.
Play Not to Lose is a bit different. Here the point is to get just enough to be ahead of everyone around you, then go on defense so they can’t catch you. It’s exhausting. Just enough offense to put points on the board, then work like hell to stay on the mountain.
Both of the above are based on the scoreboard and the final outcome. Everything, every ounce of energy is put into being ahead at the end.
Play to Play is different. The scoreboard doesn’t matter. This is kids playing a game of pick-up just for the joy of it. This is about presence, about being, about being unattached to the scoreboard. This is like the Kansas City Chiefs in the first three years of the Patrick Mahomes era.
Even when they were down 24-0 in the first quarter, they played like the score didn’t exist. They just played…and they went far.
Your energy will dictate how you show up in the game. Your mindset will either worry about the imaginary score, or it will create a new game where you can enjoy life and your success.
No need to beat anyone, because there is more than enough to go around.
When you’re here, you’re beyond problems…you’re living in possibility.
In your gut, you’re sensing what level you’re playing at right now. The Undivided Man shows you the rest of the game.
Fourteen questions. Less than five minutes. Uncannily accurate.
Let me know your results. No scoreboard.
