The Man Who Takes Care of Everyone Except Himself
The man who takes care of everyone has no idea what he needs anymore.
The Truth of It: Men who give everything to everyone around them don't do it from weakness. They do it because it worked once, then it became who they are. Now the one suffering is them. And they don't know how to stop.
Everyone's needs are met. Yours aren't on the list.
You can only rest, you can only eat, after everyone else is satisfied. Otherwise, you’re told you’re a failure.
That’s a punch in the gut that’d kill Houdini, and you’re still standing.
You’re strong. You’re responsible, and like a good man, you eat last.
Unfortunately, there’s nothing left for you, and what’s next on the menu is your bones.
How long have you been giving from an empty cup?
When Did Everyone Else's Needs Become Your Responsibility?
It happened so long ago that you don’t remember it, but you can feel it in your core.
You don’t have the stomach to see others struggling. Particularly when you feel like you can do something about it.
The first time you helped someone, it felt good, didn’t it? So you did it again. And again. And again…until it became a habit.
That habit became an addiction.
Now the one suffering is you, but you don’t know how to walk away from the rush.
What Do You Tell Yourself When You Put Your Needs Last?
From “They need it more than I do. I can get by” to “It’s just temporary” to “If I do this for them, they’ll have my back. I can pay it forward” every statement is a deflection of your needs.
Your identity has become the giver, self-sacrificing…and you’ve not only forgotten how to receive, you go out of your way to AVOID accept help, because that would mean you’re the weak, needy one.
What Is Caretaking Protecting You From?
Who takes care of the Caretaker?
Be honest with yourself here. Your identity has become the story that you have to provide for and take care of everyone else.
Who are you under that shell?
In this weird reversal, on one hand, you’re following the Golden Rule, but you’re forgetting the reciprocal: Treat yourself the way you treat others.
What would it mean if you started treating others the way you’re actually treating yourself?
You wouldn’t, because that would be selfish.
In avoiding being seen as selfish, you’ve been selfless…and you’ve BECOME self-less, nearly unable to take care of your needs, because you barely know what they are anymore.
What Would It Mean to Be on Your Own List?
Who would you need to be to put yourself first? Showing yourself the same level of empathy and compassion that you give to others, from personal recognition of your need to reenergize and hold a boundary on your energy.
Can you give yourself the permission to say ‘no’ when you’re tapped-out? Can you hold the line that demands, “Now it’s my turn for my health” with firm kindness?
Since you’re so focused on caretaking that your battery runs low, how much more could you give if you consciously recharged yourself every day?
Selfish isn’t wrong, it’s necessary.
You can't pour from a man who was never allowed to be full.
He gave. He was seen. He was conquered.
His sense of self was overwhelmed by the demands of those who wanted more from him. Unable to say no, his city of self was overrun.
The man who gives until he is depleted will shuffle through life as an empty shell of self; his purpose focused on caring for others, rather than on the sustainability of the very thing that allows him to give care.
The Rome around him looks beautiful. Inside, he’s burned to rubble.
You've been on everyone's list but your own.
The Undivided Man puts you back on it.
Fourteen questions. Less than five minutes. Uncannily accurate.
